Pinch me… we are already in the 6th month of the year 2022… I am speechless how these 5 months have quickly passed by, is it only me or even you have felt the same. Since the year started I prepared a plan for this year and trust me when I say this I literally mean it as I have jotted this down on a piece of paper and trying to achieve it.I was going through a tough time since September 2021 and was so empty from within. The post-partum responsibility and my few issues which I was ignoring for a long, came to surface. I didn’t even realize but I was emotionally drowning and wanted someone to get me out of this puddle.
This emotional state only comes into the picture when you are more of a giver person. I was in partial depression where everything started feeling meaningless, the people you trusted once turned their back on you. That was a major hit I got and felt like being used by people. I was purposeless and had no meaning to life, I even started questioning my existence.
I knew something was off with me but the best part of me is I self-evaluated myself and this was the first time I knew I needed help, as the person within me was changed but not for good. I was no longer the person I used to be. I knew I needed therapy and have enrolled for it. I think this was the best thing I have ever done to myself.
As the therapy started it helped me to observe all the patterns I kept repeating, and one was the fear of abandonment. The symptoms of fear of abandonment are the following-
- People- pleaser
- Being perfect all the time
- No boundaries defined
- More of a giver
- Not sharing healthy relationship
- Giving extra care and love which interfere with other people’s space.
- Always available 24*7 times,
- Difficulty in saying No,
- Low self esteem and confidence,
- Need approval of others, etc.
The reason why I had this fear is the lack of attention I received in my childhood. When the inner child does not receive the amount of attention and love needed and when it feels unheard, it starts doing all the things to start seeking the attention of others so that they won’t abandon them which turns them into people pleasers.
Now the next question on your mind would be how to overcome this fear?
The only answer to this is focusing on yourself which is a part of self-love. I reduced contact with people who gave me bad vibes or exhausted the energy. I started focusing on myself, my toxic behavior and the patterns which I was repeating. I started with practicing meditation for 5-10 mins daily or visualization practice before going to bed, turning off the cell phone 30 mins prior to meditation, compulsory skincare rituals (stick to basics), planning my next week & weekends (still progressing with it), journaling, reading motivational book, learning new things, etc. following some selfcare regime which gave me peace of mind. I am still learning but glad I started.
I can only say here is start doing things you like and pay attention to the thoughts crossing the mind. Start practicing saying NO but be ready for consequences as you will lose many people but will attract the ones who deserve your all love, care and time. Limit your time with all your loved ones even if you are not busy but rather utilize that time exploring yourself.
Be a mother to your own self. Pamper yourself. Empower yourself. Build that confidence and self-esteem. Focus on yourself.
Do share your thoughts on how you like to love and pamper yourself.